Being Sensual?


ImageThe other day, I’m laying in bed, wiped out from writing and editing erotic scenes nearly all day. You’d swear I’d had a sex marathon, and really, in my mind, I had.

My husband comes home from work and I know how tired he is but I can’t help but need to be touched. I’ll take it however I can get it. But deep down, I have a fear of being rejected, so, I won’t ask for something that could possibly lead to devastation, and soooo, a back scratch is usually the thing I ask for when I absolutely need to make basic human to human contact and my husband is too exhausted to lift his arm at the end of his day.

So I did, I asked him, “Can you please scratch my back?”

He eventually approaches and I hit him with another request. “Under my shirt?”

He can handle that. He still approaches.

Then I hit him with something completely new. “Can you scratch me sensually?

He stopped dead in his tracks and I looked at him and couldn’t help laugh over the expression on his face. Like was that an English word? Or, how in the world do you do that scratching a back?

Not completely deterred, he sits on the bed and begins his scratching. Immediately I realize my husband has no clue what sensual back scratching is and isn’t interested in asking or trying. When I begin to feel like a dog getting his tummy or head scratched by his master, I decide to show him.

“Like this.” I scratch on his arm firmly and slowly in a mysterious pattern.

Don’t ever expect a man to just pick it up that quick. Not my husband anyway. I was too tired to coach him and so took what I could get, which was something akin to a bi-polar/drunk scratching his ass. (okay, not that bad!) I gave him a D for Damn, maybe next time.

But the whole thing got me thinking about men and what they actually know about romance and sensuality. They may know how to identify sensual behavior in a woman, but do they know how to behave in a sensual manner? Do they know how to be sensual?  

I decided to be brave and treat it like a dance move. I plan to coach his touches. My husband is usually willing to try anything as long as it’s not done in a discriminatory manner. Mmm. Think I’ll practice kissing sensually with him. I know, don’t we do that? Sadly, no. But it’s never too late to start living and enjoying passion. Right? 

Naaahhh

Advertisements

16 responses to “Being Sensual?

  1. The answer to your question would be NO? I would ask you..where would you expect men to learn it, in the movies? On TV? Sensuality is a in individual feeling. Your husband will get cues from you what is sensual by the responses you give him. So coaching will be beneficial for both of you and could even be fun.

    • I missed this comment! Sorry and thank you for replying! Good point too! Sorry for all the exclamation marks, I’m excited for male input. That was not a pun. Anywho, I forgot that everything with sex is sort of personality driven and should be examined and treated on an individual basis. Thank you for reminding me of that!

  2. Some men seem to have a natural sensuality, or at least appreciate being on the receiving end.

    Unfortunately, most seem just fine with being patted on the shoulder like a good little boy – especially if that pat leads to some sexual act, LOL.

    But StriveTwoSucceed is correct – where would men learn sensuality? Especially in our masculinity-obsessed culture. For boys and young men to enjoy soft fabrics, or any other sensual experience is to risk being ridiculed and considered effeminate.

    • So true. So very true. I feel for the masculine struggle. What’s masculine, what’s not. Every woman knows that a STRONG and SENSUAL male is the epitome of SEXY!!! (SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE!)

      • That’s not what is communicated in society. Strong means dominate, aggressive, sensual is caring, attentive, patient. I don’t the two words go together. If you have both it’s the perfect man, or the woman is confused because she isn’t sure which one she is going to get on a daily basis.

        • Strong (to me) means physical strength, aggressive, courageous, endurance, bold. And sensual, to me, means soft, as in a touch, tender, also in touch and motion. What is totally SEXXXXXY is when a man MIXES those elements together. While my husband is being tender and soft, I know what is just beneath and I think women want both, sometimes individually, sometimes simultaneously. I want to FEEL my husband using his strength to hold back his animal, then using that same strength to release it. This behavior communicates this to me: He is strong, but he is in control of his strength. I think women love when their man gets out of control in the bedroom because it makes us feel like we’re so awesome and amazing, he loses his ability to control. Call me sadistic, but I LOVE that feeling. I just feel like in that moment (maybe all in my head) that I have given something so great, that he cannot maintain his strength. And at the same time, I love being dominated, I love feeling that strength, it makes me feel secure and that comes from feeling the control he’s exerting on his strength to please and pleasure. Sorry if I’m getting too detailed here.

          • No worries, but that’s why romance novels are written primarily for women. By the mere fact that you can think and FEEL at the same time means you are on another level. Men just want to get their freak on and if you are hollerin’ and screamin’ means they are doing it right..LOL

            • Amazing isn’t it? And you know, men are stimulated by sight AND sound. All that whoopin and hollerin to them means it’s feelin GREAT. Women need to be taught that they need to coach their men in sex because every woman has different needs and different means of meeting those needs, if not, they end up frustrated with sex and so begin to resent the whole act. Soon, they’re PRETENDING it feels good. Saying and hollering however they need so they can be DONE and then subconsciously find ways to get out of even doing it.

              Why not just tell the men how we feel? Because most women think the problem must be with themselves. They look at all those women in the movies, they’re having a great time, guy’s doing the same things as her man, so the problem must be her. She’s too afraid to ask her mate for help because she’s worried he’ll think it’s him and be hurt and maybe leave.

              So she stays with him and pretends sex is great. They might get married and maybe now she’s tired of pretending. What does she do? Tell her husband “hey, i’ve been lying this whole time about that feeling good?” Scary option because that might be more risky than telling him right off.

              But eventually she has to or else never enjoy sex. That’s why I like to write about it because really, the women do hold the key with the men, all they have to do is be taught how to use the key and the men will do whatever you want them to in the bed, usually.

  3. Pingback: Love Scenes & Wet Dreams & Other Things | Kenra Daniels

  4. I had to laugh at this one! Definitely my husband and then some! The best thing I’ve found is to drag him out of town to a new and exciting spot, being totally out of his environment and then he gets the idea! Good for both of us and during the slack times, I settle for the head rub, the back scratch, the hand holding, etc.

Talk To Us!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s